look at this pigeon
This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness
Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.
So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.
I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener.
So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are
and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.
because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.
Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.
The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.
fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck
I never thought I’d reblog a tea review but here we are.
so my boyfriend asked me today, “you know what the best thing about being a Hufflepuff is?” i shrugged and he replied, “i found you.”
that’s so adorable I’m gonna dieI guess you can say that…he’s a keeper
So I needed a way to alert the class that I was going to be showing graphic pictures of genitals on my presentation so I decided that putting this on the slide before would work
I want this on a shirt.
Please, I want this on underwear
“You might have got the impression that there is a little bit more to Aunt Petunia than meets the eye, and you will find out what it is. She is not a squib, although that is a very good guess. Oh, I am giving a lot away here. I am being shockingly indiscreet." - J.K. Rowling.
If the reveal had been that Petunia was a witch ~ Several years after the war, Harry tracks his aunt down to confront her with what he witnessed in the pensieve.
THIS IS THE TYPE OF SHIT SCIENTISTS BE THINKING ABOUT AND LAUGHING THO
EVERY SINGLE SCIENCEY PERSON I KNOW LAUGHS WHEN TALKING ABOUT CREATIVE OR INEVITABLE AND GENERALLY SCIENCE-RELATED WAYS EVERYONE MIGHT DIE AND IT’S MY FAVORITE THING
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
So I want to help calm people down and stuff, so here’s a bird appreciation post.
Look how colorful this one is
This one is so pretty
LOOK HOW BLUE THIS ONE IS
THIS ONE IS SO FAT
Emus are so weird I love them
Kiwi birds are adorable
This one looks angry
Majestic as fuck
i don’t know about you, but i grew up seeing mostly white dolls that looked nothing like me. in fact, even the few black dolls i saw looked nothing like me. they had super straight hair, and sometimes blue or green eyes. where was the barbie doll with brown eyes and beautiful curly, kinky hair?
well now, i found a DIY tutorial that allows you to make even the doll with the finest hair, look a little more like you.
WHAT YOU’LL NEED:
- A doll
- End papers (sold at beauty supply shops)
- Pipe cleaners
- Boiling water
Note about end papers: If you start with a doll that has long hair and you plan to make a style similar to the style shown in my picture, you won’t need end papers, they’re optional. But if you start with a doll that has shorter hair and don’t plan to cut it any further, end papers will be essential.
1. Cut pipe cleaners into two-inch pieces and bend each one in half. They will look like little “V” shapes.
2. Section off a piece of hair and twist it into a tight spiral. The smaller the sections, the tighter the curls will be.
3. Wrap the spiral in an end paper (optional)
4. Place a pipe cleaner onto the scalp and pull the twisted section into the crook of the pipe cleaner. Be sure to keep the hair spiraled tightly as you zig-zag it.
5. When you finish zig-zagging each section, twist the pipe cleaner ends around each other to lock everything into place.
fully wrapped head
6. Once you have all the sections in pipe cleaners, dip the head in boiling water for the count of ten.
7. Wait for the head to cool – usually a few hours, but overnight is best. Rinse in cold water and place doll in freezer if you want to speed things up.
8. Take the pipe cleaners out.
9. If you have length to spare, trim each section to get rid of straight ends or strays.
feel free to leave it like this, or pick it out and make your doll’s fro as big as you desire. i don’t know about you, but i’m definitely going to be doing a few of these for my little cousin, who is currently very insecure about her own beautiful curly hair.
YOU ARE A HERO! Oh, God, I’m crying a little now. I needed this so BADLY when I was a little girl! *reblogs like a reblogging thing*
OH MY GOD
Chinese farmer Hao Xianzhang has perfected the process of growing pears inside Buddha shaped plastic molds.